As parents, caregivers, and even older siblings, we strive to create a loving and nurturing environment for our children. But sometimes, unintentionally, we tip the scales. We favor one child over another. It’s a surprisingly common issue, and one with potentially deep and lasting consequences.

Let’s be honest: it’s easy to fall into this trap. Maybe one child is easier to manage, excels in a particular area, or simply reminds us of ourselves. But Islam emphasizes justice and fairness above all else, and that includes treating our children equitably.

Why is Favoritism Harmful?

Think about it from a child’s perspective. Imagine constantly feeling like you’re not quite good enough, that your efforts aren’t appreciated as much as your sibling’s. The impact can be devastating:

Low Self-Esteem: The child who feels less favored may develop feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and low self-worth.

Resentment & Sibling Rivalry: Favoritism breeds resentment, not just in the less favored child, but also in the favored one, who may become arrogant or entitled.

Emotional & Behavioral Problems: It can lead to anxiety, depression, anger, and behavioral issues.

Damaged Relationships: It can strain the relationship between siblings, creating lifelong animosity.

Distorted Perception of Justice: It teaches children that fairness isn’t always a reality, potentially impacting their future relationships and interactions.

What Does Islam Say About Fairness to Children?

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was a shining example of justice and fairness. There are numerous accounts of him demonstrating equal love and attention to all his children, even his adopted son, Zayd.

He emphasized the importance of treating all children with kindness, compassion, and respect. He said,

This isn’t about treating everyone identically – recognizing individual needs and talents is important. It’s about ensuring that each child feels loved, valued, and respected for who they are, not for what they do.

Recognizing the Signs of Favoritism (It's Often Subtle!)

Favoritism isn’t always obvious. Here are some subtle signs to watch out for:

Disproportionate Praise or Attention: Do you consistently praise one child more than others?

Unequal Discipline: Are you more lenient with one child and stricter with another?

Different Expectations: Do you hold one child to a higher standard than others?

Giving Unequal Gifts or Opportunities: Do you consistently give one child more expensive gifts or opportunities?

Comparing Children: Do you frequently compare one child to another?

Taking Sides: Do you consistently take the side of one child in conflicts?

Breaking the Cycle: How to Be More Equitable

It’s never too late to address this issue. Here are some practical steps you can take:

Self-Reflection: Honestly assess your own behavior. Are you unintentionally favoring one child?

Individual Time: Spend one-on-one time with each child, doing activities they enjoy.

Active Listening: Truly listen to each child’s thoughts and feelings.

Equal Opportunities: Provide each child with equal opportunities and help.

Fair Discipline: Apply consistent and fair discipline to all children.

Focus on Individual Strengths: Celebrate each child’s unique strengths and talents.

Avoid Comparisons: Refrain from comparing children to each other.

Seek Forgiveness: If you’ve been unfair, apologize to your children and ask for their forgiveness.

Creating a Loving & Equitable Family

Remember, our children are a trust from Allah (SWT). We have a responsibility to nurture them, guide them, and create a loving and equitable environment where they can thrive.

By being mindful of our actions, addressing any biases we may have, and striving to treat all our children with fairness and compassion, we can create a family where everyone feels loved, valued, and respected.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever struggled with favoritism? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below!